just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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