Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize