How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
