dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
