Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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