i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
