sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
