he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
