Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
