And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
