Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
two words...techno handjob
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
