Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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