i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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