I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
