Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
