yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Say something about gay babies.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
