You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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