He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
