You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
