i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
