she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
