I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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