Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
