Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
