Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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