If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
