whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
