I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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