It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
