I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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