We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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