Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
