Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
