everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
