My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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