Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
