we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
