literally had 100 drinks last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
