Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
