My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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