im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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