I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
