New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize