Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
