I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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