god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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