we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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