I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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