How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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