Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
