yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
