I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
