Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
