I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
