btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
