Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize