The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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