You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
