Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
