this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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