girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
