I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
