ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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