Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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