I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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