I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
