I can text with my tongue
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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