I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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