If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
