Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
