therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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